Sara Hills
1. your voice echoed across the classroom, although you didn’t really think it was funny
2. when your eyes met Margery Carson’s and you both stifled giggles, bubbles of spit glistening the crease of your lips
3. when the teacher said “girls” while only looking at you
4. when she pulled you aside after class, her eyes the same gray steel as your mother’s car, and told you that this happens to girls sometimes and it’s anything but funny
5. when she said “funny” and you felt your face melt into a frown, the prick of your chin balling
6. when she said “likely someone you know” and “one out of seven” and then “one in three,” and it sounded like an algebra problem she expected you to answer
7. when the teacher showed that Youtube video about sexual consent and making tea
8. when the other girls said they’d love a cup of hot tea; they’d live off tea if they could
9. when you played that game Fuck, Marry, Kill at Margery’s sleepover and you didn’t want to fuck anyone, but finally, because you felt pressured, you named Mark Byers
10. when all the girls said they’d fuck Mark Byers but they wouldn’t have his baby
11. when Margery revealed her cousin knew all kinds of ways to get rid of an unwanted baby
12. when Margery shared which state to travel to and which poisons to drink
13. when the other girls nodded but you said nothing because wasn’t it a sin?
14. when Margery asked why you lived with your grandfather and you said your mother was away, brashly adding, on business
15. when she asked where, you panicked, blurting Paris and Rome
16. when they asked about your dad and, despite yourself, your bottom lip wobbled
17. when they assumed your dad was dead and you wished it were true
18. when your mother forgot your fourteenth birthday
19. when your mother didn’t phone at Christmas
20. when your grandfather sat you down at the kitchen table, crucifix clenched in his hand, and finally told you the truth about your parents
21. when he tried to soften it, saying, “We’re all born of original sin”
22. when the Supreme Court voted
23. when the teacher said a rapist can now choose the mother of his children
24. when the teacher said, “Imagine seeing the face of your rapist every time you look at your own child”
25. when you thought of your mother then, the cold steel of her car speeding away
26. when, in trying not to cry, you laughed
27. when your eyes met Margery Carson’s and you swear you both giggled
28. when the teacher said “girls” while only looking at you
29. when the teacher called you to stand at the front of the room
30. when she asked, “What’s so funny?” and suggested you share with the entire class
Sara Hills is the author of The Evolution of Birds, winner of the 2022 Saboteur Award for Best Short Story Collection. Her stories have been selected for Wigleaf’s Top 50 and The Best Small Fictions, as well as widely published in anthologies and magazines, including SmokeLong Quarterly, Cheap Pop, Fractured Lit, Cease Cows, Flash Frog, Splonk, WestWord, and Reckon Review. Originally from the Sonoran Desert, Sara lives in Warwickshire, UK and tweets from @sarahillswrites.
This story won the December 2022 Quarterly Flash Competition.